He’s paralyzed with fear and regret and a healthy dose of self-disgust. It’s just… Spencer, he’s not ready to move forward but he doesn’t know how to go back either.
And one look at him makes Ryan feel a little pity curl around his heart, a touch of guilt knock against his stomach. “You know I love you, right?” he whispers, sitting down next to Spencer on the bed and tugging out one of Spencer’s hands in order to lace their fingers. “Even if you’re not. I’ll be okay if you’re not. You’re my best friend, Spencer.”
Spencer nods again and somehow finds to courage to meet Ryan’s warm chocolate eyes. For a moment all they do is stare, but then Ryan’s thumb glides over Spencer’s cheek and Spencer subconsciously licks his lips in anticipation.
This time, Ryan kisses him.
Source: If Forever Comes, by mandy_croyance – Bandom [Archive of Our Own]
A haunting, bittersweet first time, told out of order in a way that is altogether perfect.