Oh. My. God. Watch this nownowNOW! I laughed so hard.
thanks for writing in!
4,127 | T)
Coulson, for his part, stares up at Bucky with such a betrayed look of frozen horror that Natasha actually goes the extra step and presses another button, capturing the moment and airdropping the photograph to her phone for posterity. When he speaks, his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. “Why…?” He swallows and starts again, trying for some semblance of normality. “…Why would you tweet something like that?!”
“If you must know, sir,” and somehow he manages to make ‘sir’ come out with the same inflection most people reserve for ‘motherfucking son of a bitch’, “it’s because I have a difficult time doing my job when my job involves monitoring the man with the best fucking ass in the United States of America.” He slowly lowers himself back into his seat until he’s at eye level, making extreme eye contact with Coulson until Coulson turns away to make mortified eye contact in Natasha’s general direction through the one-way glass. Natasha would take another picture, if she weren’t too busy catching Steve’s red-faced sputtering. “Sometimes, I vent to my Twitter followers. Sometimes, it’s about hot men with washboard abs. Can I go now, or do you need a graphic description of how I pleasure myself at night?”
Oh my fucking god, this cracked me up so hard! I’m not usually one for modern!Stucky unless it’s a complete AU, but this is just brilliant and made my day.
Summary: Jace had always thought the universe had something profoundly against him.
Notes: I was writing other things then i stumbled into a prompt that was just too good to pass up, and i had to do it immediately! Enjoy 😉
to say that he was a very unlucky person. From dead parents to terrible foster-fathers
– which on their own had caused him a crap-load of existential pains – to the
very foundation of his being, the
universe seemed to have something profoundly against him.
that they had a soulmate; that somewhere, someone
was meant to be theirs forever. To find this fated person, a very effective way
existed…the first words your soulmate would ever say to you were marked on your
skin from the moment you were born. The most common words of first greetings,
however, were Hi or Hello or Nice to meet you, so there were admittedly many cases of people thinking
the wrong person to be their
that Jace wouldn’t have that problem
was the only upside to having “Fuck
you!” written permanently on his skin.
that was all he needed to bring to the table when he proclaimed to be the
unluckiest person in the world. The fact that the immediate reaction to being
shown his mark was laughter or any of the most terrible jokes under the sun was
another incontrovertible proof.
Fuck all of
them, to be honest. Especially his soulmate; they surely had a storm coming whenever they’d decide to
other normal day, Jace was walking home after a long day working at his coffee
truck. A cute girl he had meant to offer a drink to had snickered as soon as
she had caught a glimpse of his mark under his sleeve; for that reason, Jace
was particularly cranky and absentminded. Further sign of his bad luck; of course that would cause him to slam
right into someone. And pretty hard
at that. Shit, better apolog-
widened as they landed on a ridiculously tall (and okay, admittedly handsome)
guy, who was both glaring at him and wincing as he rubbed his chin.
nose flared – he wouldn’t have been
surprised if smoke came out of it – as
twenty years of build-up frustration burst out of him all at once.
breathed dangerously. “SO YOU’RE THE
MOTHERFUCKER WHO GAVE ME THE WORST FUCKING SOULMARK EVER! WELL, GUESS WHAT, I
WILL NEVER LET THIS GO, THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN HAVING THE WORDS “Fuck
you!” PERMINATLY MARKED ON YOUR SKIN!”
stranger’s – his soulmate’s – eyes
widened as well, before they turned into slits. “Well, imagine having that
fucking essay written on you in
Damn, shit, fuck…okay, maybe that guy had had it slightly worse than him, or maybe
a bit more than slightly…
as the two of them stared at each other for a long heavy moment – he really, really hoped that his soulmate would not
punch him in the face…
But the guy’s
lips twitched upwards, and that was it. They both burst into laughter, so hard
that they were clutching their stomachs in the middle of the sidewalk a few
seconds later, people sending them weird looks from all directions. Not that
Jace cared; he couldn’t believe he had ever
cared about what others’ opinions were.
they finally calmed down, and his soulmate stretched out a hand towards him,
Jace’s smile wouldn’t go away.
hi, I’m Alec,” his soulmate introduced himself. His voice was very deep. Jace
thought that Fuck you would carry a
whole new meaning from now on, if he thought of it said in that voice.
Jace took his
soulmate’s – Alec’s – hand. It was
very big and firm in his; he almost didn’t want to let go. “Hi…I’m Jace. I
guess I owe you a drink?”
cheerfully. “And I guess I do, too.”
Alec fell easily
into steps with him, and Jace might’ve finally been ready to forgive the
universe. He had not fucked that one
based on this
Oh dear god, this cracked me up so bad.