For @adidas-queenb who asked me to describe Alec and Jace’s emotions during their 109 fight. I hope you don’t mind I turned your ask into a ficlet?
… he’s furious, he’s so furious, his life’s falling apart, everything’s falling apart, and it’s Jace, it’s Jace, his parabatai, the man he’s given everything, the man he’s trusted the most, the man he’s in– it’s Jace who’s doing this, destroying everything they’ve built together over the past 10 years, Jace’s tearing it – him! – apart, piece by piece, for a girl, for someone they all met only a week ago, for her Jace’s betrayed the Clave, betrayed him, attacked him – and he’s going to make Jace pay, he’s going to show Jace how it feels, he’s going to…
… he’s blocking and punching and ducking, trying to stay on his feet, and he’s barely keeping up because he’s never seen Alec so angry, so enraged, Alec’s fury’s burning like acid through their bond and it hurts, it’s agony, it’s wrong, so wrong, how come they let it get this far, how did he let it get this far, how come when he promised himself, he swore to himself that he would never hurt Alec – to love is to destroy, Jonathan! – Alec’s his parabatai, Alec’s… everything, how come…
… there’s a blade at Jace’s throat and everything freezes for a moment…
… how/when/why did it happen?!
Do it. Do it! I don’t wanna be alive if we’re on different sides, Alec.
… but Alec doesn’t do it, Alec sits down hard, shaken and shocked, and Jace gets up, shaken and shocked, and they can both feel it, their bond’s trembling as if someone’s plucking at it, tearing at its strands, unraveling them slowly…
I’m begging you, my parabatai my brother. Please, Alec, come with me.
No.
The blade would’ve hurt less.
That last sentence! *clutches heart* Yep, that’s pretty much how I feel every time I watch this scene.