His person does not factor into Jim’s decision-making because he’d do anything, everything, for the crew.
Is Jim aware that they do the same for him?
If Spock moves quicker and tolerates less, it is biological, not insubordination, not murder. It is one less demon for Jim to fight, one less thing to keep him awake at night, with Spock listening to the other man breathing in the next room. When he meets the man’s eyes over someone’s body, he is not ashamed that, deep down, there is relief.
After all, death doesn’t trouble Spock’s rest.
When he’s sonicing his skin of bodily fluids, he knows the crew is grateful it is not Jim’s.
Source: one grave too many, by leafings – Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
Mature, dark-ish canon AU. Such a fascinating look at an Enterprise crew that’s more than a shade too codependent, too ruthlessly violent when it comes to protecting each other – and most of all, their Captain. Because they all know he’d do the same for them, and Spock knows it most of all.